Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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