Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
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Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
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He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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