other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize