My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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