I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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