the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
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he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
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Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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