Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
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You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
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apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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