According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
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Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
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Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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