I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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