god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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