Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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