There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize