someone threw a dead crab at me
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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