We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
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What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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