I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
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we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
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I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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