If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
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If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
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There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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