I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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