This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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