No stitches, just platelets and will power
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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