I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize