More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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