soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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