I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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