I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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