I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize