I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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