My friends, they love my intelligence
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize