I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
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i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
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Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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