I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
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Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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