I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
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someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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