The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
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And to think..we used to do everything sober...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
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These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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