I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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