it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize