We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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