I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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