The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize