I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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