I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
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and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
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OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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