i need an iv and a liver transplant
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
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would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
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