I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize