I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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