I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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