Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
birth control should be required to get into college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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