On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
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I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
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Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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