Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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