my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Can I color on your dick again?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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