I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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