Banned from zoo.
Again?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize