it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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