im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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